Q: Why don't blind people go sky diving? A: Because it scares their dogs half to death. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A lady friend of mine told me that at our age she has found that going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of her face. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write... A Good Doctor! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do ... write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The best part of waking up is going back to sleep. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I can't believe that dumb cop gave me a ticket for an open container. He couldn't even find it till I showed it to him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ At my office we are taking up a collection to send Newt Gingrich on a skiing trip. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If she was going to marry a football player, I wish Kathie Lee would have chosen O.J. instead of Frank. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Feel secure all night, sleep with a cop. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Selling tickets to visit a grave? And the Brits think Americans are shallow and gross. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I bet you have never seen a plumber bite his nails. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There has long been a rumor that W. R. Grace Co. was going to buy the Fuller Brush Co. and Mary Kay Cosmetics and then merge with the Hale Business Systems. This would result in the new mega-corporate entity known as..... "Hale Mary Fuller Grace." ... Don't forget the failed merger between Yahoo and Netscape. ... Net'n'yahoo. .. It didn't work out because they were afraid they would have to relocate the headquarters ... Intel aviv. (Both by Gary Hollack) What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? Bad Golfer: "Whack!" "DAMN IT!" Bad Skydiver: "DAMN IT!!" "Whack!!"
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