QUOTES FROM FEDERAL JOB EVALUATIONS: "Since my last report, he has hit rock bottom and is starting to dig." "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity." "I would not allow this employee to breed." "This employee is not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be." "Works well under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there." "He would be out of his depth in a parking puddle." "This young lady has delusions of adequacy." "She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." "This employee should go far and the sooner the better." "Not the sharpest knife in the drawer." "Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't looking." "A room temperature IQ." "Got a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together." "A gross ignoramus-144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus." "A photographic memory but with the lens cap glued on." "A prime candidate for natural deselection." "Bright as Alaska in December." "One-celled organisms out-score him in IQ tests." "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it." "Fell out of his family tree." "Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming." "Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it." "He s so dense, light bends around him." "If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate." "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean." "It s hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm." "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
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